You’re bombproof. Like one of those police horses trained not to flinch.
This was a comment made recently by someone I’ve worked with. It’s true that I’m able to hear shocking or harrowing news without reacting rashly. I know this is what makes me a great coach when it comes to people who want to move on from past trauma and transform their life. Helping to transmute pain to something positive is what I do best.
A bombproof horse approaches a variety of situations with confidence, making riders, other people, and the horse much safer. People I work with tell me that I help them feel safe – that’s crucial in a coaching relationship. For me, being bombproof is about being able to understand patterns and that people have stories but they don’t have to remain stuck in the narrative.
Some stories that influenced me
My life transformation began in 2012, following a close friend’s suicide. He, Danny, was found by our mutual friend, who called me from the police station to go comfort him. I did so, and broke the news to others but I was just in control mode.
I’d been in that mode since the death of another friend in 2001 whom I reported missing when he failed to turn up to meet me. His body was discovered a fortnight later. In my mid twenties, I was alone when I had to speak at the inquest.
So adept at controlling my emotions was I that, aside from the odd panic attack, I was successful in life and at work. But Danny’s death was a double whammy.
For the first month, a friend came by every single night and waited until I fell asleep because I couldn’t sleep otherwise. In month two, I thought I was OK then it got to month three…then it did feel as if a bomb had exploded.
I couldn’t get out of bed and I cried pretty much three days solid. Then I told myself I couldn’t continue like that and finally booked myself bereavement counselling sessions.
The counsellor identified my control issues by session three. I thanked him and didn’t bother taking up the remaining nine sessions. Instead I went off to discover how I could be more in flow.
One of my life-changing reads
As a voracious reader at the best of times, I took out library books rather than take out another mortgage to fund a self-development library of my own. One of the first books picked up was by Supercoach by Michael Neill.
I transcribed the ten key teachings into my special bronze book which is kept in my bedside drawer. Here they are:
The world is what you think it is. You are creating your experience of the world moment by moment.
Wellbeing is not the fruit of something you do; it is the essence of who you are. There is nothing you need to change, do, be or have in order to be happy.
There is nowhere for you to get to – you’re just here.
Whatever you decide will never impact your life as much as how you handle the consequences of that decision.
Every emotion you feel is a direct response to a thought, not to the world around you.
No matter what seems to be going on in your life, you don’t have to do anything. Everything you do (or don’t do) is a choice.
You create other people by how you listen to them.
You can ask anyone for anything when you make it OK for them to say no.
Financial security does not come from the amount of money you currently have, it comes from your ability to get more of it whenever you want. Master the art of serving others and you will secure your financial future.
There is *never* a good reason not to hope.
Coaches coach coaches
Michael’s words have helped me over the years but I’m not in the financial position to hire him as my own coach. But I know a man who is! And I’m so delighted and grateful that Peter Sleigh, who is being coached by Michael himself, will nudge me forward at the start of the third year of Inspiring Women Changemakers.
And if you are ready, truly ready, to change your life, to get go of your attachments to your limiting stories and to move forward to a lighter, brighter future, then check out my signature coaching programme, LOVE (You). It stands for Liberation, Optimism, Values and Energy and I promise you I will help to bring all of those things into your life.
About Inspiring Women Changemakers
Inspiring Women Changemakers is a dynamic, women-led movement for positive social change. We help our members to powerfully connect, communicate and campaign.